Sweet Kids

By: Rebekah Joy Anast

How do you make your children get along?

Dear Rebekah,
I enjoy the articles you write and look forward to my copy of No Greater Joy every other month. I have a question though: how do you make your children get along? My son is 5 years old; my daughters are 3 and 1. They fight and squabble about everything. It’s not really violent or hateful, just irritating. I feel like I have to supervise all the time. We are very consistent with the “rights” issue, but the kids are always looking for something, anything that isn’t specifically assigned to one of them, to fight over. They’re so competitive! Ruby, AZ

Dear Ruby,
Assuming you do train consistently (which should include plenty of kid-work to keep your toddlers busy) and assuming you have a good (non-competitive) relationship with your husband as an example to your children, I would say the answer lies in your focus.

Being kind, loving, and sharing gets more “hero points” in our home than any other achievement. Gabe and I offer our highest praise for loving actions, and bestow titles of elevation upon the child that is “going to be a sweet, beautiful mama someday” or “just like Daddy, taking care of his little sisters like Daddy takes care of mama.” Work and school skills are part of the whole picture, but if the tasks aren’t done with consideration and care for one another, they are just “sounding brass and tinkling symbol.” I Cor. 13:1 I recommend reading Love is Like God in the nogreaterjoy.org article archives.

Above all, life is about effecting other people. The people nearest us are WHY we work hard, and WHY we do school. We learn to read in order to read to others and write for others. We work in order to make life better for others. We live, not for ourselves, but for those nearest us. All things done selfishly are vain, empty, and very, very temporary.

Competition is not a bad thing. Joseph Courage, my son, (almost 5) is also very competitive. He likes to compare what he’s done with what his little sister has done, and come out on top. Instead of noticing his comparison, I pull out some work or a project he did the day before and compare him with himself, making verbal note of the improvements.

Occasionally we let him play with other boys on the local playground and compete against them in wrestling, climbing, running, etc. If he was better or faster than them we point it out later when we’re alone with him, and comment on his muscles and his strength, and then come back around to what really makes him special: how manly and kind and wise he is becoming.

Kids are extremely smart in an intuitive way. They know what is most important to you and will take up the same torch. If we as parents are focused on temporal performance, our children’s focus will be the same. If your heart’s desire is to please God, and win souls, your children will follow in your footsteps.

Here are some fun, practical ideas to help your kids be sweet:

Read the rest of the feature